It's my first day back from a week's vacation, and I just spent the entire afternoon moderating two separate panels on a subject I know next to nothing about and had very little time to prepare for. And knowing next to nothing is the worst kind of know-nothingness, as I've said before, because you know enough to be acutely aware that you know nothing, which makes you self-conscious and stupid, as opposed to being just stupid. I've found that I consistently do better in these situations when I'm full-on ignorant, rather than just mostly ignorant.
And of course, I could not manage to pry any questions out of the participants and one of the panelists was a no-show. There was a lot of "dead time" to fill, and I did so, flailingly and with much sweating.
It felt a lot like the worst semester of my life, when I was a teaching assistant for a class on a subject I had never studied. Except this time, instead of a bunch of students looking at me blankly, it was a bunch of adult professionals. Which, I have to say, feels worse.
The upside: it only lasted four hours, as opposed to the semester, which lasted a never-ending, infinite, endless, immeasurable number of weeks. Also: I did at least receive a living wage to make a fool of myself today.
Suddenly, I feel so much better! I here reaffirm that really there is NOTHING worse than grad school. Though some days may come very close.
And of course, I could not manage to pry any questions out of the participants and one of the panelists was a no-show. There was a lot of "dead time" to fill, and I did so, flailingly and with much sweating.
It felt a lot like the worst semester of my life, when I was a teaching assistant for a class on a subject I had never studied. Except this time, instead of a bunch of students looking at me blankly, it was a bunch of adult professionals. Which, I have to say, feels worse.
The upside: it only lasted four hours, as opposed to the semester, which lasted a never-ending, infinite, endless, immeasurable number of weeks. Also: I did at least receive a living wage to make a fool of myself today.
Suddenly, I feel so much better! I here reaffirm that really there is NOTHING worse than grad school. Though some days may come very close.
