you can call me babe-raham lincoln.

I’m now into the third month of my American History Self-Improvement Project, and I have to say, it’s not going as well as I thought. I got sidetracked for a couple weeks and read a few Graham Greene novels, Michael Chabon’s new-ish Jewish book, The Yiddish Policeman’s Union, and some Freud. My trip to Charleston and Savannah confirmed, however, that I need to focus, cause I'm still kinda dumb.

Case in point: while looking out over Charleston Harbor toward Fort Sumter, my mother, my sister and I got into an argument about the Star Spangled Banner. Strange, but true. I thought the National Anthem was written about Fort Sumter, but my mom and my sister thought it was written during the Revolutionary War. I knew for sure they were wrong, but I wasn’t sure I was right. In the absence of wikipedia, we had to call one of my sister's friends to settle the debate. (My Dad has an encyclopedic knowledge of American history, but he was in Singapore that week.) Turns out, all of us were wrong. Francis Scott Key wrote the song about a battle at Fort McHenry, in Baltimore, during the War of 1812.

And you’re thinking, “Julia, who flippin’ cares?! You know what the Declaration of Independence was about, right? The Star Spangled Banner is incidental. The last time you heard it was probably 6 months ago, at some baseball game."

But seriously, I feel bad about this. You know that thing Jay Leno does, when he stops people on the street and asks them basic questions, and when they don't know the answer they look really dumb? I don't want to be one of those people. In order to prevent this from happening, I’ve resumed my aforementioned project. Having covered the basics of the Revolution, I've started on the Civil War -- I'm reading James McPherson's history of the Civil War era. The book has a dumb name, Battle Cry of Freedom, and it’s so long that I've sprained my shoulder carrying it around, but nonetheless, it is excellent.

Truly, this book has convinced me to take back everything I ever said about American history being boring. Did you know that, during the crisis over Kansas in 1856, a Congressman from South Carolina assaulted a Senator from Massachusetts by beating him over the head with a gold-headed cane?? And just before the 1860 elections, things got so heated in Congress that no one came into any sessions without a loaded pistol?

Everyone is pretty thrilled about the excitement surrounding politics this primary season, but just picture Rick Santorum pulling a pistol on Nancy Pelosi. That's when you know shit is really going down.