1) I am so nauseous I want to die, but instead I just crawl into bed at 8pm and try desperately not to puke
2) I do not handle heat well and am dreading being heavily pregnant in the summer
3) I never, ever, ever, ever want to give birth again, but that's the only happy end to this pregnancy and I am having trouble accepting this
When I told Ms. Self-Important that I was pregnant, she said she hadn't realized I wanted to have another child. This is a fair comment! I'm not sure how people communicate these wishes to the world, though? I mean, Josh and I talked about this and made the decision, but I wasn't actively making a vision board or anything. Mostly, I like my family and would be happy to have another person in it. And I think it's nice for Jonah to have a sibling — as the youngest in my family, I have a hard time imagining not having a sibling.
When I told Ms. Self-Important that I was pregnant, she said she hadn't realized I wanted to have another child. This is a fair comment! I'm not sure how people communicate these wishes to the world, though? I mean, Josh and I talked about this and made the decision, but I wasn't actively making a vision board or anything. Mostly, I like my family and would be happy to have another person in it. And I think it's nice for Jonah to have a sibling — as the youngest in my family, I have a hard time imagining not having a sibling.
Also, I shared this last time, but because I was told as a teenager that I might not be able to have kids, I have never been able to shake the conviction that I can't get pregnant. So for me, wanting a baby has always been very separate from actually having one. For some reason my immediate success last time didn't cure this. I mean, doing it once could have been an aberration, right? Everything I read online assured me that women over 35 (who are not famous) are basically incapable of pregnancy, so why should I — possibly infertile to being with — be able to do it? And then this time, at 37 (!) it happened just as fast as last time. I remain shocked.
Not planning on testing my fertility again, though! This is it. Pregnancy is terrible. I didn't enjoy it last time, but I hate it this time. I love being a woman but this whole deal is the worst. I feel like I have a parasite that has taken over my entire body and is making my organs revolt. I knew right away that I was pregnant because I felt like something was very wrong, and that feeling has not gone away at all. Despite being totally opposed to this idea intellectually, if they created an artificial womb that allowed me to gestate my baby like egg I would absolutely do it.
The worst part is that nobody wants to give me any drugs to help with the unrelenting nausea. I know a lot of people don't want to take the drugs, but I am not that person. I want the drugs and no one will give them to me. Because nausea is normal and I am not puking every day, I apparently don't qualify for relief. No one seems to care that I am unable to concentrate for half my day because I am so intently focused on not gagging! I am utterly convinced that B6 and unisom are placebos that do nothing. What is the point of modernity if I can't get the drugs?!
I was really not expecting this, but pregnancy and motherhood has utterly changed my attitude toward doctors. I never used to question them! (Remember: they told me I was infertile and I still believe it!) Now, I am intensely skeptical of doctors, so much so I basically assume they are full of shit until proven otherwise. I've already switched OB practices once, and while I'm much happier at the new place I still think they are basically full of shit.
I'll never forget the discharge nurse at the hospital last time I gave birth lecturing me on using pain medication after my torturous c-section — she made me feel guilty asking for pain relief! I ask you: what is the medical profession good for if they can't give you pain relief after an abdominal surgery? (And the worst possible abdominal surgery, where you get no time to recover but are instead sent home with a small animal who wakes up every 3 hours to be fed?) Why will no one ever give me the drugs I need?! I understand that some people are junkies, but they are a small minority compared to the rest of us who just want help!
In conclusion: I am uncomfortable and annoyed and I just want it to be October so the birth is over and I never have to do this again. Harrumph.
16 comments:
I'm so sorry! They should give you drugs. Can you exaggerate your symptoms a bit so that they will give them to you? If you say you are having trouble even keeping down liquids and fear dehydration, that may be the red flag they need to prescribe meds. It's sucks that just feeling miserable is accepted as fine.
"I'm not sure how people communicate these wishes to the world, though?" A lot of people do talk about these things a lot- that is not your MO generally, but it's also not weird to share about. I would say almost everyone I know, even those I am not close with at all (ie other moms on the PTA) know my thoughts on more children.
"I love being a woman" What do you love about it? I'm not trying to be snarky! I have just never had this thought. I mean, I am fine with it, but mostly neutral- I can't remember ever feeling celebratory about it. What am I missing?
Thank you. I guess my version of complaining is waaay too low key, because I tried to exaggerate last time and no one seemed persuaded. I will try again.
And you're right, sharing is not my MO, but I'm not trying to keep secrets, either! It just never occurs to me to telegraph information like this in advance. Actually, in the rare cases when I do share life info like this in advance (job change or kids or moving) people tend to immediate share opinions that I didn't ask for. That generally annoys me. I mean, are the moms at daycare going to help me decide to have another baby or not? I just make a decision and then go ahead and do it. I guess that is unusual.
The "love being a woman" phrase might be a bit hyperbolic here. What I mean is that my hatred of pregnancy does not mean I hate being a woman. I quite like being myself, and I wouldn't want to be anybody else, and being a woman is part of that. That's all. I quite like men too, but I don't want to be one, even though they don't have to be pregnant (lucky them).
And I don't have to be pregnant either, but you know what I mean.
"Actually, in the rare cases when I do share life info like this in advance (job change or kids or moving) people tend to immediate share opinions that I didn't ask for. That generally annoys me." Yes, this is generally how these conversations go! So, a good reason for not sharing if this annoys you. It does not generally annoy me, although I mostly interpret their opinions as just their thoughts, not advice. Or actually, maybe I am annoyed in the same proportion to my annoyance at any other conversation that I'd have with people.
I like myself too, although I think I'd like myself as a man as well. I'm not sure I'd be all that different.
Oh my! Congratulations seems like the wrong thing to say after this post! But Congratulations!
And please--please find doctors and midwives who listen to what you need! Please find someone who respects you and is willing to take care of you! Please explain what happened last time and how traumatic it was and please make sure that they promise you that nothing like that will ever happen again! Even if you go to 10 doctors till you find one! Sorry if that is pushy! I remember that you also don't like advice! You should be able to access the medicine that you need! If you need someone to zoom into your appointments, you really have no idea how much I like making doctors and nurses understand! :)
*unsolicited advice
Emily: Haha, congratulations are appreciated! Even though I am currently grumpy and uncomfortable. I will get over it.
This is not the kind of advice that bothers me, especially because you are correct! I have not always been good at standing up for myself. I had a bad reaction to the first OB practice I went to and immediately switched, so that's progress for me. The new practice is much better and I had a good conversation with the midwife about what happened last time. I even told her I had no plans to breastfeed and she was like, "cool, good for you." I was very happy about that! She did not give me the drugs but I do intend to insist next time. Things are not quite as dire as I made them sound. Did I mention I'm grumpy?
I absolutely LOVE the idea of randomly zooming you into my OB appointments though! "Please hold on a moment, Doctor, my friend needs to join this meeting so she can MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND." I am impressed you are so good at this but also sorry you've had to perfect the skill. It shouldn't be necessary!
Alex: I think you have a better reaction to these kinds of exchanges than I do. I do know that people almost always mean well! And I do want to know what people think, but I guess I don't want to know what they think about me having a baby. I don't know...I admit that I can be difficult.
And that's so interesting about gender. I don't think I'd be the same person if I was a man! I might be similar? But I don't think I'd be the same. I think both nature and nurture would have made me into someone different.
A midwife who does not push back on not breastfeeding sounds like a rare find! Hopefully she will give you the meds soon!
Seriously good for you for advocating for yourself! And I'm so glad she was responsive to your choices!! That is really encouraging.
You're right--it shouldn't be necessary! You just call me up anytime :) I'm still so upset about your last delivery--and I can't imagine how it must feel to face labor and delivery again after that. I'm glad you've told her about it already!
I'm so assertive that in my 20 minutes of pushing kid#2 out, I contemplated telling the midwife that you should rest between contractions (she had me push continually), but decided to shut up and listen to her. It turns out that when the baby is coming very fast, it's better to push non-stop to stretch everything out so you don't tare. (I learned that when I asked about it at my 6 week follow up.) And kid#2 came fast. Anyway, I have learned to listen in emergencies and push back at every other time :)
*tear
This is amazing and made me laugh! I don't think I would be able to even contemplate pushing back against instruction while in active labor. You are a true skeptic and I salute you.
And yes, I am also still upset about my last delivery! But whatever happens this time, it won't be a repeat. (I will never consent to another induction!) I also take comfort from your experience — I know your first labor was long and difficult and the second was basically the opposite! So I'm trying to full embrace the fact that no two deliveries are the same.
Are the relevant meds bad for you?
Like Alex, I like having people tell me their opinion or even advice, and then I like to confute their opinions and advice. They don't usually like that, though. But you could try that approach if you want to share but not be reciprocally shared to. It splits the difference.
Yes, that's true! Each birth can be very different!
Yes, MSI, the drugs are harmful to me and the baby. That's why I want them, obviously.
Then what's the objection to prescribing?
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