avoid the void.

I stayed up until 2 am last night reading a book that is, objectively, trash. I read the entire book, from start to finish, in 3 hours. This is never a good sign. I went home after work fully intending to read Camus, or possibly to begin studying for the GED GRE. Instead I ended up watching about 4 episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8, then going to bed and reading trash until 2 am. Now I be so tired.

I think it was Camus that did me in, actually. If you are feeling at all insecure - if you are even marginally contemplating the void - do not read an essay that begins, "There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. Deciding whether or not life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question in philosophy." It's just, like, unnecessarily depressing.

Last night reminded me somewhat of first year in college when, by freak circumstances, I was required to read Nietzsche every quarter, sometimes twice. I emerged somewhat warped, much like Lloyd, who, in the best ever episode of Undeclared, learns about existentialism and ends up running around campus wearing nothing but a blanket. That didn't happen to me, per se, but I sympathize. Reading The Man of My Dreams until 2 am is, in its own way, kind of like losing all faith in existence.

your whining oppresses me.

A woman I know recently told me that she thinks, if she were a man, she would have a more prestigious job. She didn’t mean that as a man she would able to get a more powerful job, but that she would simply want one more. She thinks that men are under more pressure to be successful – to wear suits and make money and have blackberries – and are therefore more likely to succeed. Women, she thinks, are taught to focus more on their looks, and finding a husband. That’s why they aren’t as ambitious.

This idea reminds me of high school, where all of the incredibly lazy potheads were consistently described as “actually, really, really smart.” Were they, really? Did they really get rejected from Georgetown only because they refused to “play the game”? Or could it be true that not going to class and not doing any work is actually an indication of intelligence and ability to succeed in college? I was always bitter (and can you tell?) that the rest of us, who were both smart and hard-working, often got less recognition from our teachers and our peers.

Life is just so much more interesting when something is oppressing you, isn’t it? Either you are complacent at work because society never pushed you to succeed, or you end up failing P.E. in your senior year of high school because, it’s like, waaaay too stifling to conform to the fascist constraints of a high school gym class. Please. You failed P.E. because smoking pot in the woods behind school was more fun than playing badminton, and you didn’t get promoted at your job because all you do at work is update your blog. Just admit it.

Society did not program you to be less ambitious, or less successful, than your brother or your boyfriend. “The man” did not prevent you from attending Princeton. Jews do not actually control the government and media. George Bush and Dick Cheney did not kill your dog. That is not to say that shit doesn’t happen. Bad things happen to people who deserve better, and some of those problems are products of our government, our society, etc. I'm all for changing things that aren't fair. But, as a recent article in Slate put it: “No one in America can corner the market on suffering. Who the hell wants to spend their life in a corner, anyhow?”

The only answer I can come up with is: most people. Corners can be quite snuggly.