the &*^%$ side of history

There are a lot of trite and meaningless phrases in the world, but "the right side of history" is by far my least favorite. I detest it. Probably because the whole point of my dissertation was that it's a lazy, useless idea. And probably more so because no one ever read my dissertation (not hyperbole) so no one understands why I care so much. Or why I get so frustrated when they try to argue with me about it and I inevitably descend into rant-mode.

(As an aside: I don't understand why some people ask me about a point of political theory, listen inattentively to my answer, and then immediately disagree with me. A general rule of thumb: if someone has a PhD in a particular esoteric subfield, please assume that they know a bit more about it than you do. And yes, this applies equally to quantum physics and political theory. Really.)

Why am I blabbering on about this now? Because the detestable phrase seems to be everywhere this week. I understand why; many people just got slapped in the face by the present and they are trying desperately to assure themselves that history (whatever that is!) is still gonna come out right (whatever that means!) in the end (whenever that is!). Sorry, folks, but there are no assurances that tomorrow is even going to happen, much less happen the way you think it should. You can run all the regression analyses that you want: the future (or providence or kismet or whatever you want to call it) does not issue advance warnings or moral directives. I mean, it's possible that you will find a burning bush tomorrow, but until that happens you're down here swimming in uncertainty with the rest of us. 

Here's what I do know: First, history does not have sides. Second, history itself is not a moral force. Third, I'm not certain about either of these premises, but because we are living in history we cannot, unless we transcend time itself, comprehend the entire narrative arc of human existence as being right or wrong. If history does have sides, not one of us mere humans is capable of comprehending them. And if you are outraged at these blanket assertions, I invite you to read my dissertation. It has citations and everything. 

Better yet, read Augustine. I totally stole the argument from him.